nomad'z land

i was commissioned (it just sounds pro for me to say that) to take syleste’s maternity pictures. my god, she is soooo gorgeous. its so easy to take pictures of her! yaffe on the other hand… hahahaha jk dag. look, all you need is someone who can take direction, and while syleste doesn’t need much, yaffe is a prize winner at taking direction, so good on ya mate! jasmine was my assistant for the day. speaking of which i need to take some shots of her so she can start modeling and making us $$$$$. this was a fun day, somehow so tiring, cause i went home and took a 4 hour nap, wtf?? im so glad yaf and syleste are together. ive never seen her laugh more in her life than when shes with yaf. i used to be the one to make her laugh the most (in my opinion) but i dont mind losing that title to the yafmeister. heres hoping they will change their minds and let me baptize the cupcake!!! ❤

straight from miami to chicago, so cold!!! much of my fretting pre-trip was packing for such different climates. not a bad problem to have, but a problem nonetheless. which is why my back threw out probably (ie too much shit). we took a trippy trip to the sears tower to satiate my desire to do something touristy. then j played at the metro, which was very sentimental as he used to get kicked out of there as a teenager. first time hes played there! it was sweet. after, we and steve ate two doors down at some kind of seafoody place they used to always frequent. many memories for j there too. i love getting a tour of his life! we passed by where he used to live, and it snowed! have i ever been in an actual snowfall? i cant remember. love it, only cause i dont have to live in it.

we set sail out of miami for a four day cruise. spearhead reunion! i started this run with anxiety over beginning the impending inevitable neverending tour (whomp) but as j predicted, my fears were abated as soon as i saw everyone. mikey tore his meniscus the first night and had to fly out of mexico halfway through, so naturally we gals purposed to get shittay the night before to commemorate/mourn the end of our run together, since raliegh has decided to move on to tastier things. i kept to my workout routine and ate pretty healthy the duration of this cruise! no one cares but i. thats fine. then i threw my back out the day we left thanks to my heavy handbag which took me a long time to admit, but i am now all wheels as mandated by the bowman. life is much easier. the point is, we shouldnt hate when other people are right. we should simply accept it and be grateful that we have the capacity to change for the better. …… i traversed way into another realm there. but thats just me, and thats how a playa’s got to be. stay kickin game with a capital G. etc.

the cupcake is almost here! as of this writing, she arrives in 9 (!??!?!?) days!!! im so excited!!! yaf is admittedly nervous as all get out, but i think thats a good and healthy sign. i wont go into the psychoanalytic reasons for why, but trust me, im an ordained minister. anyway this was a lovely shower, good food, love my friends, and as yaf said, “wow that was a lot of women in one room.” hahaaha syleste you are loved!!!

holy catching up fest! christmas eve was at ronxies house, complete with good food, mandatory christmas carols (thanks lina) and yer general christmasy fellowship!

for being bffs, it may come as a surprise that i never get to observe nadya in top form as she was at her 30th birthday partaaayyy. ive heard many a tale (usually from syleste and juli) but i finally got to see it for myself. i even got to change her at the end of the night! yay. hahahhahah. it was by pure kismet that i happened to see her in my peripheral vision crawling up the stairs, after which i called after her, found her in the midst of undress in a bedroom (alone), and asked if she needed help. “yes,” was her matter-of-fact reply. 🙂 “janani gave me a shirt that says ‘flirty and 30,’ i need it. i need it. i need that shirt.” i also helped her into what im pretty sure was just underwear, but before i could finish asking if she wanted to put actual clothes on as i looked for anything longer than boy short underwears, she had vanished. you can always tell a drunken nadya is around the corner because youll hear a crash then see her stumbling towards you, a perpetual shit-eating grin affixed beneath that beautiful drunken gaze. ❤

“people hold on tightly to culture when there’s a threat of it being taken away.”

i’m currently sitting in my culture class, paying as little attention as i can possibly muster. we started this class with a video entitled “where are you from” or something like that.

to summarize, the video is of a white man and an asian woman meeting through happenstance on a hiking trail. he asks her where she’s from. she responds that she’s from san diego. he probes further, asking where she’s from. she recognizes what he’s asking, but responds to his literal question, that she was born in orange county, but never lived there. he ignorantly (i’m assuming, shoot me) probes further: “no, i mean before that.” “oh, before i was born?” “like, where are your people from?” and so on and so forth, [insert racial microaggression upon racial microaggression here] until he has immersed the both of them in an invisible and maddening coating of teriyaki sauce, pad thai, and sushi. she turns it around, asks where he’s from, so on and so forth, until he’s finally revealed his ancestral heritage as british (after stating he was “regular american” in response to her asking if he was “native american” in response to his initially stating that he was “just american”), when she proceeds to pull out every british/irish/scottish/etc stereotypical accent and action. he responds with dumbfounded (still ignorant, shoot me again?) shock, apparently unable to piece together that she is mirroring his rather offensive words and actions.

anyway, all that to say that (hopefully) thoughtful discussion ensues among my teachers and classmates, and here we are an hour later, conversation still moving steadily and heavily towards i’m not sure what, because i am refusing to pay attention. today i’m paying no attention because i’m tired. with all that i’m piling on with school, practicum, work, not to mention my personal creative aspirations, i lack the desire and mental and emotional capacity to deal with the quickened heart rate, anger, and sweaty armpits that not surprisingly accompanied watching that video, and which potentially could increase if i were to engage in this conversation. i’ve had these talks a million times. they can encompass both futility (i.e., “ugh. fucking people are never gonna get it, why do i even bother”) and hope (i.e., “wow, that person really made me feel understood, the world is not lost”), depending on the day i’m having, with whom i’m conversing, what the exact topic of race or ethnicity or culture is. or maybe i’m just too tired (read: scared) to feel strong emotion right now. the only emotion i feel like entertaining is guilt for not paying attention or contributing to a thoughtful dialogue in which i’d surely have much to contribute, and undoubtedly, learn.

all i know is that, in this moment, i don’t feel like delving into the deeper connections of my culture to my ethnicity to my ancestry, or into what so-and-so might think and feel about it as a member of the minority, or what so-and-so might feel about it as a member of the privileged, and i think that’s okay.

someone recently sent me an article about giving myself permission to feel whatever the fuck it is i’m gonna feel in any given moment, whether it’s positive, negative, blah blah blah. so, i guess this is me giving myself permission to mentally fuck off, to not directly deal (in this moment) with my irritation with people in general, and with my desire to take both a long nap and a fucking vacation.

ps. okay, maybe i am dealing with it. because i just made art about it. art therapy ftw. this reminds me of my being accustomed to being “the lazy one” (grad school, work, practicum, traveling, random awesome achievements? fuck you — by “you,” i may be referring to the voices in my head, so don’t be offended. or be, you have your permission) or my needing “a day to just fuck off” ending up meaning volunteering at awbw for six hours. which could open up another 600 word pile of written vomit, but i’ll save that for another day.

i’d love to end this on any other note that doesn’t scream out “(unjustifiably? justifiably?) angry [asian]” but i’m practicing acceptance.

this time, words to accompany my fasche. i mean face but in german fasche means bandage. you learn something new every day. youre welcome.

anyhoo, im in this month’s mantra magazine, on whole foods (and other) stands nationally! wheee!!

heres a linky to the online version which is not as pretty as the hard copy, but its otay (http://mantramag.com/29-problems-turning-30-aint-one-fingers-crossed/)

i had to cut it down to like 800 words which is difficult for me as i am very longwinded and can talk/type/write for everrrrrr. so heres the full version. so exclusive. shoot me.

I Had 29 Problems but Turning 30 Ain’t One (Fingers Crossed)

I’m right on the cusp of turning 30. The older I get, the younger my chronological age seems, and the more I realize I know so much less than I thought I did. There’s something about those milestone years ending in zero that prompt deeper reflection and, perhaps, added pressure. Reflecting back on the last ten years, I can say that generally, I was loath to be in my 20’s. I liken that period to the cold, deep, dark end of the ocean—and I’m no swimmer (but according to that metaphor, apparently I am dramatic)—and the closer I get to 30, the closer I am to the surface and the warmth of the sun. I just felt so lost (not by any means “found” yet), uncomfortable (not completely relaxed yet), and without purpose (finally found it! I think…). Through this precious but painstaking process of trying to figure out my life’s meaning, here’s what I’ve found:

Stop trying! (Otherwise known as “Acceptance.”)

I semi-recently had this fantastic turning point in my relationship, which really turned out to be a turning point in my relationship with myself. Basically, I was trying to be what I thought was this idealized version of myself in order to say that I did everything on my end to keep this thing going smoothly every second of every day… Wait what?! PLEASE insert needle scratching sound effect here! Just writing and re-reading that sentence is tiring. Living it is a whole other beast. Trying is so tiring. So I had this moment where I either stopped caring or got really, really tired, but I said to myself, “No more! Fuck this idealized version of myself. I’m just going to be who I am, and if my crazy occasionally happens to fall out of all the orifices of my face projectile-vomit style, then people are just going to have to deal.” I realized how much resentment builds when trying to be instead of just being.

It’s all about ME.

There’s a certain powerful vulnerability you access when you’re able to look at yourself without comparing yourself to others. I’m currently working through this fear I have of accepting responsibility for my own feelings. Owning that responsibility means that I can no longer blame other people or situations for my own shit, but it also fosters independence and confidence, both of which are the complete opposite of what comparing myself to others inspires. This whole comparison-is-new-devil thing might also be a reason I’d long ago denounced participating in social media. I’m personally prone to comparing myself to other people on pretty much any level available. Then I get sad and start wasting time wanting a new head of hair or an entire new life. Which brings me to my next point:

Be here now.

There’s a part of me that is the most elaborate storyteller ever, to the point where I’ll catch myself truly upset about a completely fabricated situation. I’m learning to remind myself to see and respond to only what is in front of me. I’ve been obsessively reading Thich Nhat Hahn, and I can’t get over this one line inMiracle of Mindfulness: “Wash the dishes to wash the dishes.” I’ve surely heard variations of this a billion times before, but for some reason, this really hit the core of my deepest understanding just a few days ago. The crux of “washing the dishes to wash the dishes” is that if we are not fully present in every moment, if we are more concerned with the destination than the journey, then we are not fully alive here, now. And if we are not alive here and now, then where and when are we truly alive? There’s so much to miss out on if we aren’t fully present in this moment, and I no longer want to live anywhere else but here and now. I’ve created a mantra for myself based on Hahn’s dishes: “Only what’s right in front of me.” Anything else doesn’t exist, but if it arises, should only be observed without judgment until it passes. Rinse and repeat.

I’m not here to teach. I’m here to learn.

Some are born destined to be leaders of the masses or powerful orators with resounding messages of positivity to send to the far reaches of the universe. I am not one of those people. And I’m okay with that. (See: “fear of responsibility” two paragraphs up.) Maybe one day I will be. But for now, I’m still sinking beanbag-like into my own skin, getting to know all of me, and navigating my way to complete comfort in who I am. I’m here simply to learn. I will myself to sponge-like properties and surrender to the lessons that life has to offer me. I pray for the compassion, patience, and understanding necessary to find the teacher in every being that passes me by, and in every act of goodness or not that I come across. I hope for the ability to see the world in all the shades of gray that exist, where judgment of myself and of others does not. And I’m grateful for every moment of the sometimes-terrible twenties that brought me to this point, closer to 30 and to that clear and brilliant sun.

best fluke ever, that is. maybe this will be the beginning of the end, in the best possible interpretation of that phrase. wheee!! seven page spread, what!! this is cool.

photos: lorraine young (lorraineyoung.net)
sweat equity magazine, oct/nov 2014 (you can get this issue im in on itunes!)

maui oahu kauai

happiest birthday to my loverbuns and bff!!!! 42 years young, gangsteriffic. it was a very low-key day, which is just how he likes it, given that he is on trains planes cars automobiles boats 2/3 of the year. or some such estimate. we watched dawn of the planet of the apes, which was awesome and now i am obsessed with apes and bonobos and chimpanzees or whatever. ummm what else. taking him to hawaii for his birthday, im such a good, wealthy girlfriend. we leave thursday so blah blah blah. so happy he was born and is still alive, and i hope he lives forever or at least until after i die so that i dont have to live without him, of course this had to turn morbid. fml. in conclusion i love you boodlies and thank you for loving me and being the best life partner in the history of the planet of the apes (oh god.)

wow this is delayed. pictures are definitely wayyy out of order. i was so glad it was over, which is a first for me. it was a lot of fun, but brutal. i blame it on just not pausing or getting rest. and drinking too much. speaking of which i have not had a drink for 2.5 weeks. no wonder i feel so good 🙂 i heard getting drunk gets you a recovery period of 4 days. is that cumulative? cause then we will be working this off until about 144 years old.

oh man i start school in less than a week!! my second and final year of grad school whatttttt! finally finished my research proposal so i am going to take the next five days and just live it up. whatever that means. it probably means alternating between lying around and doing a bunch of squats and sit ups. this is what 30 looks like baby.

just found this pic on my work comp. 🙂 i think this was charleston, south carolina, may 2012. yay my memory is not completely shot!

el fin de mis dos semanas en mexico y tambien el fin de mis veintes!! manana voy a ser treinta anos!!! hmm a donde empezar..

okay escuela.
im pretty sad to not be in san miguel de allende anymore. but all i need is a plane ticket and im there, so whatevs. no todo es perdido. ill have to upload pictures later since my phone to laptop connecty cable thing is no longer in existence. i think i left off recapping wednesday. thursday mayra and i failed to make it to spin class, a first! todo bien. ladida, great workshop day. oh! you know whats funny, and i may or may not have mentioned this, but every morning mayra lizvet and i would take a cab to the school where we’d do therapy. ahahahhahhaha so lazy. d was talking about how it felt like we were in the amazing race hahahah. anyhoo despues la clase, it was a little rainy, which made me want to stay in and work out and listen to old school music which is what we did! sharee and i ventured out so she could take fotos of me with her awesome 70s nikon. shes so pro, and i adore the shit out of her! we somehow ended up back at rosewood, exploring and getting stuck there due to the rain, which turned into our birthday dinner (shes july 1). oh my god. best meal EVER. EVER!!!!! last year this place was rated the best restaurant in all of mexico. id vouch for dat shit. we felt as though we’d never eaten before, it was that good. then the waiter surprised us with cake on this heavy ass rock slab that said “happy birthday” haha we were so in awe. the stone was so cold. that sounds metaphoric. yet its literal as literal can be.

entonces friday. viernes. oh last day so sad!! yet so wonderful. we started our day off doing therapy with our groups, focusing on goodbyes and all that. guess what, i cried! it was a good feeling. theres a line between crying in front of the people youre helping (ie they know that your life has been touched by them) and sobbing uncontrollably (ie they get freaked out cause they feel like they have to comfort you). i stayed well within the correct boundaries. we were handing out little tokens of love we’d made for them, so when it came my turn i just let it out. theres another way to connect when language is barrier, tears!!!! i just had an idea. im feeling muy creative these days, thanks to my art therapist homies and our time in mexico. fake art school ftw. anyway. we all made murals which went into a bigger mural which will hang in the instituto. what a fantastic experience. ivonne, our translator therapist, later said during our group meeting (and i have to say i love the way they translate their language into english, comes out way cooler) that it was nice for me to cry, because i appear “cool” but the tears showed my “sensitivity.” haha. entonces a little celebration at the teacher house followed by major shopping with lizvet. we have such issues. if there ever were a drug that i were addicted to it would be shopping. i get a crazed look in my eyes for sure. also feel my blood pressure rise, no bueno. we made it back to our hotel and to our last supper with the rest of the crew at la cocina about 30 minutes late, whoops! then to rosewood for the third time in three days for a drink on the roof. i had a shot of tequila, yikes. met up with everyone at a rooftop bar which was magical with all the old buildings in sight, all lit up. it was like that scene in monte carlo starring selena gomez. asodfihasodifhasoidfhasodihf. anyway the scene where one of the girls was partying on some rooftop and she was just in heaven. im shaking my head too no precupes. fantastic time, then got sucked into a bar on the way home with lizvet and naomi cause we saw popcorn inside the bar. had a few more tequila shots YUCK. bad idea! slept for an hour then lorena and i were off to the airport which was 1.5 hours away. we somehow made it onto our flights, and arrived back in la where i started feeling reeeeal hungover. hahahahah. slept alllll day and now im recovered from that but not from missing mexico. boo hoo. oh one funny thing. i was sitting next to a lady who was waiting for her teenage daughter to board. the daughter came on and was kind of giving the mom attitude, and the mom goes “i love my daughter, i love my daughter, i love my daughter” hahahhaa i go “is that your mantra” and she was like yes it has to be sometimes. hahhahahahha.

now about my birthday tomorrow.
today is the last day of my 20s. ive totally been having random flashbacks all day to different places in my 20s. it makes me smile and also cringe, and also want to go back in time to that version of me to give past me a hug and say “itll be okay pal, enjoy life. youll figure it out eventually.” oh memories. this is the part where my eyes glaze over as i stare off into the distance with an occasional chuckle. how far weve come, self and all the voices in my head! oh i went all glazey and distant again. so long, farewell 20s!

are you kidding me. this got erased. boo. this was from wednesday. great day of work, followed by the best churro of life (filled with leche), then shopping/fotoshoot, two bottles of wine at rosewood rooftop overlooking the city, and ending with a sleepover!

pictures are out of order per no me importa.

hola! all i remember from yesterday is shopping shopping shopping with d at the best store ever. it was almost a spiritual experience. then a lovely dindin despues. now im awake and fmling it. tal vez my priorities are off. partying then escuela/field work. esta bien. tres mas dias 😦 soy muy triste.

yesterday we started our field work! holy translationville. adds a whole other dimension to things, and im sure much is lost in translation, but its been going well. im just so tired. i am cramming so much into my days and nights. we all are. partying at night doesnt stop us from making it in the mornings, and our work in the mornings definitely doesnt stop our night raging. it was chauneys bday, so we embarrassed her all day with love and pinatas and shit. bday dinner last night was so nice! i also came up with a concept for a photography exhibit. ya gonna love it!!! okay im gonna nap before supervision which i have mixed feelings about aka i dont wanna go. at all. EEEEKKK THIS IS THE LAST WEEK OF MY 20s!!!!!!! i have to live it up so hard. i already am so ill go harder. im rejuvenated. ttfn

today today. so tired. so so soo tired. woke up earlier than i wanted to, but esta bien. late breakfast with my late night counterparts, then we went to the hot springs. it was cool, lots of potential, but crowded and kids were there which is like meh. it was pretty neat inside. how can i explain it. ummm so its like a forest. there are lakes and shit. and pools. its all spread out haphazardly. then there are these white half domes sticking out of the ground. very x-filesish. so you walk into them through a narrow corridor and down three or four steps (the second you walk in youre in ankle deep water), and thar she blows! when you walk down the water is about chest high. and its hot! and steamy! the first dome we went into was beautiful, it had holes in the ceiling and the sunlight was shining in and it was misty in there from the steam so you could see it all mixing together. then they had flowing water so you could stand under and get massaged. another one had a rounded glass tile ceiling. it reminded me of the castle ramsey and i went to in lebanon, and how it was in ruins, but this seems what it woulda been like back in the day. anyway none of us were able to stay there forevs, so we were like great, we did that, lets dip out. we laid in the sun for a bit which totally zapped the remainder of our energy, then we went for seafoody stuff close to our hotel. last thing on the agenda for today was a meeting with our teachers for our field work this week. well be working in groups of three or four, meeting with groups of about six. my team is naomi and aubrey, and were working with the life transition group. well see how it goes!! ellos no hablan ingles, y nuestra espanol es no bueno. we have a translator, but you know how the movie title goes. lost in translation. and im sad again im out of here in six days. i still need to SHOP but its probably best if i dont. im done, goodnight world.

that sums up my saturday. lord have mercy. i am in bed so sore. i will start from the beginning. yesterday morning, naomi tara kate erica christine and i set out to see about some pyramids. we got picked up by the real indiana jones, an archaeologist from baton rouge. he took us about 15 minutes away or so outside of the city to the canada de la virgen (google it), which was dope. i love ruins. too much interesting shit to write down here, but thats what wikipedia is for. coolest thing is that it probably was a matriarchal society, with women warriors and all, which was virtually unheard of in those days in that area. the grounds were untouched except for excavating it, like no hotels or restaurants or anything nearby. oh shit i just realized i have less than a week left. oh no im so sad. okay im over it. so after the archaeological site, we had a meal which was the BOMB, home made for realz.

HORSES!!!!! caballos!!!!! we embarked on a four hour horseback ride into coyote canyon (thats the name), through superleafy canyons, down to the river, and up to the cliffs. sooooo beautiful. im never gonna get over it. it was so much fun. my horse’s name was Orgullo, which means Pride. i feel we had a solid connection. i gave him a lot of love and in return he did not buck me off or scare the shit out of me. christine had to change horses during the first gallop cause her horse was not having it. so she was scarred from galloping the rest of the time. we had three opportunities to gallop. holy fuckballs. trotting is one thing. the galloping was just CRAZY. my hands are sweating thinking about it. it was exhilarating and scary as fuck. we didnt gallop for long, and luckily orgullo was good about stopping the moment i wanted him to, but jesus christ. fuck i cant explain it!! help. ive just never experienced anything like it. i was so scared i was going to fall off. i think at one point on my second gallop i started leaning over to the left so i had to stop. i was definitely holding on for dear life. you just feel so one with nature and animals and shit. its wild man. and the wind. you feel it in a different way. horses are fucking cool. i want one so bad. hahahhahah. i cant stop thinking about the galloping now. its frightening and also the best thing in the world. cause youre putting your trust in this animal that you cant communicate with, and you never know when animals are just going to turn on you, even the tamest ones. okay ill stop talking about it. maybe. anyway it was just crazy breathtaking, the views. i was like IS THIS REAL LIFE!!!!??? also my bottom area hurt like a mofo. also my right knee. when we stopped for a break, the head cowboy got off his horse and was all bowlegged and i laughed, then i got off my horse and was like oh i get it. hahaha. i quickly learned how to hold my body when descending and all that, but im still sore obvs cause im not a caballera. duh. although i want to be one now. hence the hat i bought. getting into character you know. so we went down to the river. hahahahhhahahha. holy soggy shoes. it was awesome though. i kept worrying my horse would lose its footing and we would just be washed away, but we were fine. at one point kates horse lost its footing and almost fell over. hahahhahahahahha. luckily it did not. umm what else. oh then we went up to the cliffs, sooooo tall. we were on this one point that jutted out and it was just enough room for one horse, and orgullo did not want to stay there. fine with me orgullo! one of the cowboys lassoed me, and orgullo started trotting and i was like oh shit im going to die. but i remembered i have the reins so i used em and orgullo halted. were gonna get more pics later from the head caballera later this week, so ill post em when i get em. those will be epic as fuck. the horseback riding was one of my favorite experiences of my life, for sure. it was perfect.

aaaaand then the drag queens. a bunch of us went out to a drag show, which was supposed to start at 11, and were learning that mexican time means like wayyyyy delayed. we got there at 9 and started drinking and tearing up the dance floor which was lots of fun cause it was just us dancing for two hours. they were playing all the songs that should be on a Hits from the 90’s and 2000’s mix cd or whateva. every song was met with “ohhhhh shittttt!!!” hahahha. also the setting of this place was straight up promcoming or something. amazing. i never had a prom so this was perfect. you know how im always wanting to prom it up. side note, im also over heels. ive been wearing flats for like dayyyyyys and i cant imagine why i was trying to wear heels all the time at home. fuck that. not conducive for dancing especially with my bum knee. i cant gets down with that shit. ok so there were five drag queens and one major drag queen mc. i think she was super vulgar but i couldnt understand much of anything. it was too loud for mayra to translate anyway. asodfhaosidhfoasfoif and at the end when they announced the winner they lit fireworks in the motherfucker. ahahhahahahahahhah. i had a flashback to the jackson family american dream movie with michaels head catching on fire. so that was that, then mayra aubrey brian and i got tacos upon tacos upon tacos which was so amazing, then we headed home at 3am eek! why am i awake at 10. fml. hot springs today!!!! wheeeeee. i want to shop, major hankering.

i. am. so. tired. somehow d mayra lily and i made it to spin five hours after we crashed out from partying hard. oh it hurt so bad. i really am dying to know why they dont make bicycle chairs more comfortable. it doesnt make any sense to me at all. i was dunzo all day. alllllll day. also it was our last day of classes, since next week is strictly field work. emotional as usual. tal vez im too cansada to write about it, but its good. prompts a lot of thoughts, two of which stood out to me in particular. 1) learning to have faith in the safety that is there. 2) being honest; letting others be honest; and being honest when other people’s honesty hurts your feelings. i learn a lot from other people’s vulnerability and ability to speak so freely about their shit. i am not there. im learning about my openness/lack of openness. muy interesantes. its a funny feeling in the chest. oh god im so tired. its raining and i saw the most blinding lightning ive ever seen on the way home from the teacher party. gracias a dios esta viernes. pero manana i cant really sleep in since were heading out to piramides y caballo riding or somethin! okay im dead now ttfn.

es muy divertido. i just returned from a ladies night at a rooftop bar next door. i worry im having too much fun here. today we worked on twerking. im learning a dance. its pretty dope. well be the first lmu art therapy dance crew/a cappella group ever. yesterday was my day off from partying. i stayed in, skyped with boodle, and read and stuff. i could hear dance parties going on en los otro cuartos, which made me smile. today the day seemed sooooooo long. OH! hoy, well ayer, es mi padres anniversario! treintiseis anos!! que impresivo ;D pero porque no, ellos encanta con al otro, y tambien para siempre. ummm. today i painted. it was so relaxing. also had a meeting for my segundo ano research project, which is a lot clearer so thats great, but its still a ton of work due august 15 which is EEK. oh wellz. hopefully plane rides will take care of a lot. definitely not the plane ride home from mexico if it goes the way its been aka partying every night. i love college. this totally makes up for it. every day i have a different bootcamp class that i hold. its gives me a sense of purpose, truly. oh!!! this morning. holy crapola. SPINNING CLASS. first of all, spinning class en espanol is really something else. second of all, my lady bones are hurting, as are lily’s, daniela’s, y mayra’s. but we persevered. and we begin anew en cinco horas. eeksicles. spent a lot of time apres (thats french for after) escuela hanging out in the room, having an impromptu dance/twerk party, then naomi daniela and i went out for tacos then bebidas. okay best tacos every for like 8 pesos each. i cant even calculate. okay i googled it. 61 cents. i had 3 and a coke. holy spice. then we went to this rooftop bar which we overtook, and imposed our own playlist. lily mayra y sharee met us up. best line of the night was daniela “come se dice ‘shots’?” asodfihaoishfoaisfhoshdfaiohds. y bartender dice “umm, shots.” hahhahahhahahhhaha. we closed down the bar, not that there were other people there except for like two creepy men proximo de terminado. so thats how my night went. now im sticky and ready por sueno porque yo voy a abrir mis ojos en cinco horas y veinte minutos. tomorrow is FRIDAYYYYYY thank god. i thought we were burned out. big plans for the weekend aka way more partying. manana despues de la clase nosotros vamos a casa de las profesoras para fiesta. byob. AAF. cant remember what that means but maybe i will tomorrow. ttfn.

hola. ive had dos mojitos which had more alcohol than last night’s three margaritas. so esta bien. umm going in order. this morning i went running with mayra por treinte minutos. holy lungfest. we are up high nighlies. lungs were burning but it was good. entonces desayunos. oh man. breakfast is included. todo los dias theres huevos y frijoles. y oatmeal and cereal and frutas. but the sweet bread changes. yesterday was pancakes, meh, today was this BOMB ASS cinnamon bread little thingies. holy cow. muy delicioso. um class. oh boy. we are en la clase para nueve en la manana a cinco  (o menos) en la tarde. con una hora para almuerzo y una otra hora para clase de espanol. la primera clase hoy era bueno. its family art therapy. michael and i made a car out of sticks and glue guns which we got really excited about. el coche was por nuestra “familia.”  anyway. we should make toy cars. real primitive style. and sell them $$$$$$.

um so spanish class was not as painful on the brain as yesterday, thank god. tal vez i was just more prepared for it. pretty much only becky will understand or care to read this, hola! y la nuestra wolves tambien, hola te quiero! sorry boodle love you are you reading this? hi. anyway so we conjugated hella verbs today. the spanish is coming back to me like celine dion in that one music video from like 1997, holler. our second class which was multicultural something or other was cool, but i realize that i just dont feel safe to share my deepest shiz with everyone. or perhaps im lazy. i dont particularly care at this juncture. my therapist says i am not as vulnerable as i think i am. in this moment im fine with that.

next point. proximo punto. i was just soooo tired and dunzo by the end of class. entonces se fue a piscina. laid out for a while, worked out. HERES A BIG ONE. thats what she said. no really heres a big’un. i was leaving to my room to finish my workout, and i said something about being lazy, and naomi said something to the effect of “um, lazy is the last word id use to describe you” which was met with “mmhmm”s and nods of agreement. and i totally was like QUEEE???? cause i am so used to being regarded as lazy for some reason. so to hear that i am thought of as so not lazy just made my life. very interesANTE. no es “interesamos” pero interesante. for realz though interesting no?

entonces comida con naomi y michael/miguel at some dope place with awesome decor and i want my abode to look like that. tummy feelin a little un-irie but itll be okay. i feel im forgetting something. oh! we went through the secret tunnel under our hotel. scary as fuck. we were holding on to each other and screaming. well michael wasnt. liquid courage you know what im sayin?? hasta manana muchachos! ps i reallyyyyyyy love being here. this is my chance at condensed study abroad that i was too chickenshit to even think about in college. this hardly feels like school. basically this is vacation. and we get our mental health and productivity en la dia, y mi ejercisio, so im all set babies! holleration. TODB. (thats for jason patrick bowman, do you hear me??)

just kidding there is no hit list. no es hit list. just got back from dinner and drinks con mis hombres. we went to a nice ass place and i had tres bebidas y comida para veinte dolares, whatttt. and we are in touristy area which is even mas whattttt. lorena just told me theres a nina fantasma in this hotel. GREAT. a CHILD GHOST. a little girl. ugh. anyway great way to start this trip!!! i love it. i already dont wanna leave but i dont wanna jinx it so i will say that i absolutely hate it it sucks. on the realz, this does not feel like school. ill let you know tomorrow though if it starts getting hella escuela. i rhymed. my freestyle session paid off, thanks boodle! miss you if youre reading this HI. buenos noches! off to lie in bed and watch this terrible movie with lorena starring djimon honsou and a bunch of cheap asian trix. oh and kevin bacon. jesus christ. i almost said jesus chrust. JESUS CRUST. idea. im going to make and sell sandwiches in the shape of holy people and it will be called JESUS CRUST. asodfihasoifoasidfhasfohi YOU HEARD IT HERE FIRST. tu escuche aqui primero!!! COPYRIGHT. consider this my copyright, me mentally screaming/typing it in caps with lots of exclamation points. exclamation puntos. mi espanol es mucho bueno. im actually extremely sober. anyway i was going to say we watch this shit for the subtitles. i learn so much espanol/other languages this way. wow im having a hard time spelling. i learned a lot of bahasa watching that witch movie with nicole kidman and sandra bullock cause of the subtitles. loved that movie. god i hate movies with asian whores in it. okay gonna do work for WORK like a productive person even though im on vacation in summer school immersion. ttfn! ps lucky you three getting two blogs in one day.

pps i seriously lost all of my brain juice in my spanish class today. WOW. have not used brain that hard in a long time. i was litherally getting a headache. i could totally feel the neural pathways struggling yo. pero esta bien porque ahora yo puedo communicado con vendadora en el mercado para la ropa o comida.

hola! estoy aqui en san miguel de allende. y esta muy bien!!!!! me encanta. okay thats enough espanol. so i arrived in leon yesterday afternoon from the road by way of chicago then dallas. short trip, and it was such a beautiful drive, well what i was awake for. i willed myself to unconsciousness once this creeper on my shuttle said “youre cute where are you from” EYE ROLL. yucky line bro. anywayz. it was an hour drive from bjx here to san miguel. such a cute town!! very euro. i think. not like im a european expert or whateva. went to dinner with chauney and christine, then came back took some nyquil and knocked out. sleep was soooo good. going out for drinkys!! ttfn more manana. hasta luego!!

im deep in mexico, ive had 1.5 beers and some nyquil so forgive me padre nuestro. ohhhhhhhhh i am so stoked to stay put for TWO WHOLE WEEKS. yes it is my decision to fly all over the goddamn place but whatev. whoop there it is.

i flew into chicago on wednesday early morning. a whopping 36 hours at home or somethang. never hung out in chitown! j is bumlegged though so we didnt do much. no naperville tour this time. ladida, worked out with sonna twice in 8 hours cause we are cray and obsessed and insaaaaaane. next day show, got to meet most of sandra deeeeee wheeeeee! stoked bro. lotsa fun to meet js homies, i was a little nervies cause theyve known him for like 25 years longer than ive been alive hahhahhahahaahh im an ass just kiddin. but a long time. uh oh im starting to fade. had to change busses cause brucesky killed the top under a bridge which is gangster but also not good if it rains.

next day was in minneapolis at the basilica block party which was in front of an old church. real pretttay. i dont really remember. saw eric hutchinson whos dope thanks to pandora. ummm. oh hilaaaaaaarious night. i died laughing a few times. j hoss and i were just on it. esp hoss. so funny. hot tub time machine 2. killllllll. we hot boxed the muthafuckin portable dressing room.

then to des moines for a bit, where j and i rode these super cool bicycles that happened to have throttle!!! now im ready to ride scootscoot in indo for realz. so much fun i want one so bad. only $2900. birthday present pleaseeeeee somebody. then flew into chicago, steve picked me up and i got a second dose of sandra dee days! hung with steve angie and geoff, watched geoff gig it at beer house, hung out some more, then slept for an entire hour before getting up to go to the airport for my flight to mexico! ohhhh lordy trouble so hard. im so out of it. how am i so capable of writing dopely then like this. laziness. ttfn.

only three weekends into tour. crikey mate. four weekends left, but i will be in mexicooooo for two weeks so wheeeeee! blah blah blah thursday, friday flew to vegas to albuquerque, took a shuttle to santa fe, relaxed by the pool and waited for j to arrive! ratchet fourth of july party in the parking lot by the buses cordoned off with caution tape. very sweet but we only stayed 15 minutes because, well, it was a day off. the bed and room service were beckoning. next day was the show at the downs which was an abandoned race track. somehow raliegh urana and i got left at sears while they were at promo, so we shopped a little more which is where i got that awesome turnt up hat! then we cabbed it to the venue, which was a little bit weird energy. perhaps it was the ominous clouds or the uneven grass floor. not sure. maybe haunted spirits in the abandoned building which we werent allowed to go into and they had alarms so poop. after the show i thought i was going onto our bus but it had left so i ended up on the soja bus, and a minute later sara came in and thought the SAME THING. so we stayed and partayed for a bit! then j hossein and i did some freestyles and really sucked at them. just kidding, we got better with each rap. i really believe that. next day was red rocks where i did not have a sip of alcohol. what i did have was a major workout fest and then perhaps some altitude sickness. blech! really it was a very whatever night. im being honest. theres something about these big shows that just makes me want to crawl in a small isolated space and stay there until the next smaller stop. but all was not lost, that night i left with urana and dario to denver since i was supposed to fly out at 6am (???!) but i changed my flight til 430pm the next day cause dario got a suite at the four seasons and it was magical! we also had sushi lunch! such a nice transition from tour to home. we should do that every time! and here i am home for less than 48 hours. taking off in 14 hours for chicago, where j will take me on a tour of his former life! sandra dee ftw!!!!

seattle, bend, portland!

i should be finishing up my lit review. instead i am reviewing these nuts in your face. !!!!!! seattle was a little chilly and damp, but we survived. i watched the show from the opposite end of the stage, and i am SO GLAD I DID. because this red headed kid got on stage and was dancing the most epic dance moves of all time. he got down and was doing the worm a version of the worm. among so many other things. i would have taken video but i was too busy laughing and being in awe. after the show, ade and i came up with a song list for our band, “Us Motherfuckers” aka UMF. we’re pretty much doing this nonlinearly. or maybe this is how the real popstars do it. we will find out!! took our band shots, very impressive. really all you need these days is an iphone and your whole life, career and family are set.

then we ended up in bend, oregon. i remember bend well. this is where we went “tubing” down the river last year shortly after i busted my knee, so i was upset all the time and having to be carried everywhere. i say “tubing” because j and my tube would not move for the life of us, which ended up making me laugh so hard i was hurting. i love laughing so hard that it hurts! or til i cry. or both. those ones are good. anyhoo sonna and i have been doing INSANITY which is really insane and i think my kneecaps are about to come off. so far ive been on it with my workout regimen. even though i probably undo some of it with my drinking at night. oh well its summertime and i only live once on this earth until the next realm in which ill probably come back as oj simpson which would really suck cause hes the worst. why do i always get into it with people about oj? people saying he didnt kill them, PLEASE. he was culpable. insert closing argument and talk-to-the-hand move here. anywayyyy urana sara and i did a great job working instead of watching the show! well most of the show. this tour is all about maintaining responsibility and shit. knock on wood. i guess i rewarded myself by getting shitfaced playing beer pong and flip cup with the non-spearheads. at least i won? a few rounds? i also spilled an 18 pack of beer like a true gangster after threatening violence to probably imaginary people. thank god for hossein, he really made sure i made it on the bus with all of my shit and some of my dignity intact. thats what tour managers are for right!

next day was portland! ooo girl i woke up feeling shameful, which is why seane corn changed the name of the tour to SOULSHAME. genius. i just love her. i love all of my yoga teachers. theyre so wise. i am grateful. anyway, j played alllllll day this day: promo, yoga, sonna, regular show, tigers lions bears monkeys octopuses caterpillars! anddddd i got to see jackie!! and emily and tate!!! i love family time on the road. i think its my favorite part. stoked they stayed the whole time, cause tate got to jam onstage at the end. that kid has energy like no other being on this planet. if we could bottle it up and sell it, it would be speed. so happy to have family time. tate is just the cutest child ever. i behaved myself (more) this night. pat on my back, thanks. next morning we woke up almost in missoula montana. i sang home on the range cause thats how it feeeeeels its so america. day OFF which j and i used to do NOTHING except order room service and watch tv. and i shaved the part of his head that was meant to be shaved, but not before doing some designs jokingly. which only served to inspire me to do some REAL designs next time, so excited. gonna open up my nail/barber shop and just do designs all day. and now im home and back on the road tomorrow! slc here i come niggies. ttfn!

dear summer tour 2014,

its no secret i dreaded your arrival. but the first week is complete. and i realize that, though you are a worthy adversary who strategically paired yourself with my anxiety, you are incapable of defeating me as i once feared. i will use your free alcohol and healthy snacks to my advantage, and i vow to remain fit and sane everywhere we should meet over the next five weeks.

ttfn cocksucker.
love, sharon

santa barbara, los angeles, berkeley, san diego:

day one! santa barbara. drove up after my LAST SUMMER SESSION I class (wheeeee) and it was an hour door to door. gangster. woke up early the next morning for 45 minutes of cardio wheeeee! then to the venue! participated in the yoga portion of the day, but true to antisocial tendencies, in the corner closest to any exit. still, someone accosted me for partner yoga at one point but it was fine. ive learned heaps from j about puttin a smile on this mug no matter what. i used to think it was being fake. now i still think it is hahhhaha but i get it. anyway we saw js friend ryan and his fiancee FIANCEEEEEEE jessica. so get this. i met ryan three years ago at dave matthews caravan in atlantic city, and he introduced us to this girl jessica. we had gotten to talking, and i asked how long theyd been together. she said that they just met that day. AND NOW THEYRE GETTING MARRIED THIS COMING WEEKEND!!!! what a trip, so awesome and exciting!!! she was saying that that day i said something like “so when are you getting married” DEMONOLOGY. shit is REAL. anyway ryan and j are so so gay together, they really love each other hardcore. jessica and i were like, why are we even here. so that was that, then j and i drove home since show was in la the next day and someoneeeee needed an emergency filling. (not me). sb pics:

los angeles!

oh what a long day. but it was nice to wake up in a bed and not a bus bunk! off to the dentist then to the greek, i got him to the greekkkkk. i also worked out hard wheeeee. so happy my friends came out! but i was tripping and somehow j and the bus missed each other and i had to gun it to castaic to catch the busses at a random nondescript gas station. i was not about to drive that fool to berkeley, i had to work early saturday morning! yikes. oh well. alls well that ends well OR SOMETHING. pics:

berkeley! flight delayed (of course). raliegh and urana picked me up from oakland, stopped by whole foods so urana and i could talk shit in private hehe. i recall being dressed in homeless attire for the first portion of the day. i love the greek theater up there but not conducive to people with torn acls who wear heels against the universe’s suggestion. goddamn it gets cold up there at night. why is this news to me. it really shouldnt be at this point. ummm i think i skipped this day of working out because … i dont know why. sleep deprivation is a biotch. fun times, much betta than previous night! pics:

san diaaago. open air theater at sdsu. girrrrrrl. i worked out for like 4 hours this day. yoga, run, insanity with sonna, and some other shit. its good. last day/night with nicki 😦 poopadoop. fun times, except for one creepy person. creepy people really frighten me. im craving pizza. unrelated. wore my muumuu, got lots of compliments. booya. people love the muumuu. muumuu!!!!!! k here are pics

up to sf for a day off. SLEEEEEEEEP. the end of week 1. ttfn!

these pictures are out of order and i give not one shit, nor two, but no shits. took a red eye to nj by way of charlotte (wtf), met up with markypoo for 90 minutes yay! haha then rented a car for a one way to albany airport to meet j and all those fools for another 1.5 hour drive to hunter. needless to say i was outtie like a light within an hour of reaching our awesome mob owned scary hotel. which by the way i was totally having nightmares the first night!! one was about little baby bugs jumping in and out of our pillows, then showering to rid myself of the baby bugs, and the water was all brown and hair. geezaloo. then i woke up and before i opened my eyes i felt spirits in the room. or something. all i know is we were not alone. so i was freaked out. definitely people have been murdered there before. which was cray cause the next day raliegh said he had a dream about a little girl crying in the hall and he couldnt get to her. MURDER. its murdaa – ja rule. anyhoo someone gave j crystals at the damian marley show and then the spirits went away. ahahhahhahahahhaha it sounds so crazy i know but i believe it! i have the crystals with me now always. thank you hippie fan. ummm saturday day off but we watched damian then came back, i did homework and had a LOT of gas, but j was working with mikey so i could fart in peace. and very loudly. sunday was show day, someone proposed to his lady on stage, i got teary cause i was drunk i think. monday was just fuckery. longest fly day EVERRRRRR. first we had to get up at like freaking 6am. to get to the airport 3 hours before our flight which ended up being cancelled. so we got a hotel room to sleep all day for our flight which was going to leave at 6, which left actually at 7, which meant j had about 3 minutes to get to his connection in chicago. which also meant antonio and i were left to our own devices for a flight two hours later. ughhhhhhh it was just ridiculous. i am far removed from this weekend. good day.

two days in paris including one day off, dreeeeeam!! so happy! we rushed off the bus around noon and into our hotel, the crowne plaza republique, so french! tres francais. whoop whoop. i speak french when im drunk by the way. not very well but i mean it is what it is. drunken french is what it is. so we got in, i had to search for tampons BY MYSELF, found some whatevs ones two blocks away — cardboard applicators YUCK. but i conducted the entire transaction in french, dope right. then j and i went across the street to a cafe, had a little foodyfood, people watched, discussed how cool it is that we were in PARIS togethz, then to the louvre! we met up with mikey and carl. i love the louvre. i think we covered a lot of ground, but i could have done like a week there or some shit. did you know i intended to minor in art history but stopped because i was failing ucla art history classes and my advisor told me to just drop it all so it wouldnt interfere with my overall gpa. well guess what, gpa is not that big of a deal. look at me now, im in grad school after a 2.9. how shameful. i guess if i kept art history minor my overall gpa probably would have been like a 2.4 or less. which would have been bad. oh god who even cares right now!!

i super enjoyed our louvre stay, so exciting to be around all that art!! and you can buy tickets like at the movies, at those do it yourself kiosks. modern shit g. did you know theyre coming out with a louvre 2 in dubai! ill have to go there and check it out. maybe i wish i took one shroom before going to the louvre. can you imagine! i probably would have cried. and im in a better mental and emotional state than when i did it the other time so i wouldnt have found myself in a fetal heap on the floor trying to sleep it off. or who really knows, drugs are crazy. we left the louvre, tried to take a cab to the eiffel tower, which was in view from the louvre, but 2.5 miles away. no cabs available or maybe its just cause were black. so we walked. and walked. and walked. lovely walk along the seine, so cool!! i wish we had so much time to just sit and chill and drink and eat and talk FACE TO FACE with people the way they did in paris, or most of europe really. america you suck. but the fact that we can say that america sucks without being imprisoned or stoned to death is a really nice thing, so theres one point for america. anyway everyone chills along the river and they look so happy and shit. i too would be so happy if i were living fashionably in paris doing happy hour in the midst of all this gorgeous architecture (read: lots of goooold i love gold).

we made it to the eiffel tower juuuust as the sun was setting. tickets to get a ride up were booboo so we were like fuck it we’ll walk, grab a bite to eat upstairs. i love how the lady was like “just go up to the second floor” ummm the second floor happened to be 1000 steps up. we were sweating balls by the time we got up there which did not mix well with the cold wind. also, the restaurant requires reservations and is so expensive. as mikey put it, he wouldnt go there unless he was proposing to someone. hahah. but yay! so happy to have seen the louvre and eiffel tower. i love love loved my romantic paris day with j mikey and carl. j and i ended the day with a romantic meal across the street at mcdonalds. i loooove getting mcdonalds in other countries. they have all sorts of cool different shit specific to the culture. such as serving mayo with the fries and calling it “fry sauce” whattttt. this mcds was dope, they had an upstairs so we sat up there by the window watching the street, shooting the shit, being in love and whatnot. then i took a shower oh mannnnnn tour life equals not so much on the shower thing. if you know me, you know i HATE showers. so its bad when i want a shower. when j woke up he was like, your hairs smells pretty, and i was like YEAH cause i hadnt washed it in dayssssss poor guy. i mean you can get really grimy on these tours. so easy to. ive smelled ways ive never smelled before. even j had a little something going on and he never smells ever. tmi.

second day in paris, we took the train (confusing) with mikey manas and kylie to dragon street to get our shopping on! j got me this dope ass ring which now that i think about it might be abstract vagina shaped. i wonder what it all means.. walked around, super sunny lil bit sweaty, back to the venue for little bite to eat at the cafe on the corner, then impromptu photo shoot with the crew, its endearing to see grown men go “take this shot of me!!” im going to make a behind the scenes spearhead book one day. lots of weed smoke gonna be in it. show was dope, tiny little venue, purposed to drink a lot since it was my last night, uh mission accomplished. blech!

got to ghent belgium which was sooooo cute and goddamn why do i have to leave a cute place! i should have left from a whack location so that it wouldnt be so painful. anyway took a 45 minute cab ride (um pretty sure this was really expensive) to brussels for my hungover 8 hour flight to dc then 5.5 hour flight home to la poooooo! wish i were still on tour with my boodley, especially since hes in milano right now! i wanna go to fucking italy. im not complaining, well i am, but i am also so happy to have had this europe experience with my lover, especially paris! god i love traveling. lucky as a duck to get to do it this way (aka free alcohol and other shit). blessings. asfdihasoifasdfh okay last thing, on the way to europe i was watching that movie with james gandolfini and julia louis dreyfus, “enough said,” soooo good. she was walking with her new poet friend who happened to be her new bfs ex wife (real complicated. also, the lesson here is communication. and dont lie. or keep things from people). and a couple approached the poet friend and were telling her how much they admired her work. then the poet said thanks, and when they parted, she said “blessings.” and julias character didnt know what to do so she goes “oh um… blessings.” maybe you had to be there or i just suck at explaining it but it was hilarious. i laughed out loud. i also cried. thats just what i do on long plane rides, alternate between sleeping, laughing, and crying. c’est la vie, pourquoi pas? told you i can speak a little french. okay thats all!! next stop: summer tour. yikes! thinking about it makes me tired. but first ill tackle summer session I. ttfn!

hello jetlag, my most loathed sometime companion. im back home and straight to summer school whatttt ive never done summer school in my LIFE. whatevs i dont mind it as much as i act like i do.

anywayz, poor internet connection while abroad meant not only that i wasnt able to bloggyblog every day but that i didnt receive any texts until i landed which was poop. so now i have to remember things which im so terrible at!! i do believe we left off on our day off in manchester which was monday. stayed in and slept most of the day, had dinner with mikey cat blythe, and that was pretty much it. showday in manchester on tuesday. it was the only day that j worked during the day which is SO GOOD right! so i took me a little stroll around town and ended up in the ghetto, then i was like shit son i need to go back to the bus cause i feel weird. so i went back to the bus and felt better. show was good, guess what, i actually wore lipstick and kept it on! must be a euro thang.

next morning we ended up two hours away in birmingham which is pretty ghettz. i woke up and had to shiatsu so i went with urana and blythe to a radisson about a 7-minute walk away to use their facilities cause as you know, rule on the bus is no shitting! they need to do something about that. its a scary thought, like what if im going to diarrhea in the middle of the night. especially with all the drinking and pizza, very real possibility. they say to just shit in bags and throw em out later. why am i talking about this. j and i went to the mall in search of comfortable heels that i wouldnt die/sprain my ankle/reinjure my knee/fall over in. instead i found shorts and a necklace OF COURSE. i had to find something that i didnt need, story of my life. we walked back and i was taking pics in this underground tunnel or whatever since they dont use crosswalks in that part of town, and this shifty character was like, i suggest you not walk around these parts with your camera. and j and i were like, son, we were trained as navy seals, were good. just kidding, we were like oh okay thanks. showtime was cool, they were playing smalllll venues so tiny. i dont mind it. very hot in them things though. oh darn i didnt get a pic of my outfits, i made sure to be super cute. maybe not practical which is how i hurt my ankle in the first place. life!!!

next up was back to london for a fundraiser/gala/15th anniversary for ubuntu education fund at the roundhouse which is literally round. me likey. i mean sooo many rich people in this place. they raised over 150,000 (i cant find the pounds symbol, go figure) i think which is just crazy. who wants to contribute to my grad school loan fund? anyone? fine. it was lots of fun, we gals danced up in front to get it poppin. so great j solo’d in front of me and i grabbed him super groupie like, holding on to his leg and everything so when mikey came back to the mic he was laughing. later backstage one of the guys was like, “ohhh youre a couple, i saw that out there and was like wow hes getting this attention at a formal charity event, i should have been a guitarist!” not like j doesnt get that kind of attention on a semi regular basis which is just whatevz, fuck all you hoes! just kidding thanks for the support blah blah. ummmm oh the dinner at the event was great, lamb! dessert was amaaaaze i dont even remember what it was. also crazy is they had those blackberry looking things to bid money. they curiously gave us all cards with chips in em at the beginning of the night, on some real super modern technology rich people shit. gotta love em! next up, paris!!!!

europe tour commence! straight from finishing my first year of grad school (wheee!!!!) to a looooong (well pretty long) flight to glasgow scotland with a stop in newark. i arrived 730am and j wasnt due to get in til noon from ireland, so naturally i went to the bar and drank until he arrived. jk i went to the hotel and slepttttt oh a bed felt so good. i would have liked to walk around and tour the place a little but it was cold and i was sleepy so whomp. j got in and we slept some more, then showtime! it was across the street at this place called Oran Mor which used to be a church and is now well the opposite of a church i guess. i found a new friend, some lady who was getting on to the elevator at the same time and who was wearing a short dress which i got excited about not because im a male or a perv but because i was wearing shorts since i have no idea how to pack/dress for cold weather, and i felt reinforced in my decision. sidenote, weather is not as bad as i anticipated, maybe its the power of the clothes i packed. like the secret but through fashion. anyway she was from texas which in hindsight just meant that we both didnt know how to pack for cold weather, not that i had necessarily made the right clothing decision.

anyway, great time, although i was pretty much just busy drinking with my new friend and her husband rather than paying attention to the show. so you know how i tore my left acl and im not supposed to be wearing stilletos, yes i now understand why. i was walking along after the show, ladida, and i felt myself falling (i think i was tripping over the trash on the floor) and i grabbed one random person’s arm, then another’s, apologizing all the while, and i did not fall, but i definitely twisted my right ankle and made my bum knee feel a little more bum. so fml. its been two days and its better, but still a little swollen and i cant wear those heels or the like ever again unless im being carried wherever i go and then just sitting the rest of the time.

gosh im trying to remember what happened after the show. oh yeah i was drunk then we got on the bus and talked shit until we left at like 2am for london. i believe it was a 7 or 8 hour drive. oh man the bathroom on this bus smells so cray. but other than that its a two story magenta colored bus and bunks are slightly longer than usual. we all sleep on the top floor and i just love when were all cramped on one bus, but then again im not here for the whole time so. i still love it!

we get to london and i am determined to get j up so we can roam around and he can show me touristy shit. he finally got up at noon which isnt too bad. we took a taxi to camden for a little shoppyshop, to piccadilly circus for chinese food, and i think thats it? got back and napped sitting up in the dressing room of the venue, islington assembly hall, soooo warm in there i love warm!!! ummm then.. god i suck. showtime, wowzers at times when everyone was jumping up and down i felt like the floor was going to collapse underneath us. so i drank some more to calm myself down. or i just drank because drinking has not gotten old yet. so show was good, then we tried to go to a karaoke place across the street which i was soo excited about, but fail, it was closing in like 10 minutes and they wouldnt let us do just one song.

okay im writing too much, almost finished. then we went to this bar that played rockabilly music which was soooo fun. j and i danced all night the way his parents did when they fell in love. and everyone was dancing and drinking and almost getting into fights but not, which i ran out to check and j said “sure honey ill stay here and watch our stuff.” best boyfriend ever material right there. lotsa fun and we werent due to leave london til freaking 7am cause we were only going two or so hours to manchester, so we got shitty food from the store next door (read: two-packs of microwaveable cheeseburgers) and ate all of it because i totally wanted to have no control over my bowels this morning. not. so here we are in manchester at the end of our day off and who cares here are pics: